Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
