Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
