Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
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