I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
These 19 Men’s Fashion Mistakes are Unforgivable, According to Women
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
25 Cringeworthy Below the Pants Injuries
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!