very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
3pm strippers are depressing
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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