she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I have tasted many bathrooms
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
try to milk me bitch
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
