Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
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