He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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