Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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