Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
She even gives head with a lisp.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
