We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
