...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
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What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
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I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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