that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Randomize
