I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
