Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
