This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
