yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
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