they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
