No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
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In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
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And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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