I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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