need another drink. this is the easiest way
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
