I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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