I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
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