fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Never let your siblings swipe right.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Randomize
