I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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