Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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