just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Randomize
