i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
