but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
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