In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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