oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
