People in love make me want to vomit
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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