that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
