Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
