A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Randomize
