Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Randomize
