don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
