why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
