Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
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