put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Randomize
