About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
