haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
