remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Randomize
