I love black thongs
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
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