were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
