Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
