who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Randomize
