I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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