so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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