oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
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