it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
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