I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
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