Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
