last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Girls should come with a carfax report
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
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