I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
