if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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