He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
