i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
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