Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Randomize
