o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
