I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Randomize
