the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
