he shaved USA in his pubs
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
